Waiting.......

I have considered myself to be a fairly patient person.  I've been told by my friends that I was a patient individual.  I don't "line hop" in the grocery checkout lane.  My husband, Robert, on the other hand, is an renown "line hopper". Our kids can tell of all the parking spots he would pass in order to get that "better" spot.  When child #3 refused to nap, there were many slow, soft, and secure hugs to hold him while singing, "Oh How I Love Jesus."  But now I find myself struggling with waiting.

Why would I struggle now?  What's different?  Really? I don't think I really had to ask that.  But maybe I do.  I need to ask myself and realize my reality.  Difference is for one, I'm much older.  Age has a way of making you wiser and not sweat over the small stuff.  Age also gives you other challenges....like tiring quicker, less sleep, more aches and pains, weaker, and did I say more tired?  LOL

Fatigue and pain can really be controlling.  I find myself so focused on pain that I don't even see what else I'm missing.  It's hard to explain.  But I work so hard at getting pain relief that in order to get to that point I've exhausted a lot of energy to reach that one goal.  Then I miss talking with a friend.  Or watch a movie with my husband.  Or I haven't taken time to talk with my grown children.

My children and I had a close relationship while they were growing up.  We did a lot of sharing and laughing together.  We were actively involved with each other.  The siblings watched each other play their sports.  Many sleepovers and all night talks.  Watching your children grow, graduate, marry, and start their families are some of the rewarding parts of parenting.

The car accident, not only changed my life, but my daily routine.  Of all the changes, the one that hurts me most is not being able to spend time with my children.  I took for granted just being able to go to the mountains and have a picnic.  Taking my grand daughter to the park to play for a couple of hours.  Going to a movie and out to eat.  Traveling and visiting for a couple days. And having large celebration meals at my house.

I'm not able to be up as long, walk as far, definitely not walk as fast, loss of strength, intolerant to heat, nervous about traffic, highly sensitive to sound, exhausted, busy with doctor or therapy appointments, being seen walking with a cane, spilling a drink in the restaurant, and living with chronic pain keeps me close to home.  None of these things did I ever expect to experience by this age and stage of my life.  In May I will be 50 years old.  These symptoms were what  I was suppose to have after I'm 80.   

I need to stop. 

I need to look. 

I need to pray. 

I need to think. 

I need to plan. 

I need to write. 

I need to talk. 

I need to wait. 

I've been trying to make it day to day.  I've been discouraged. 

I feel depressed. 

While I'm waiting....  Waiting for the Lord to reveal His plan and purpose.  Waiting for more doctor appointments.  Waiting for a diagnosis.  Waiting..... waiting....and waiting.  While in this place I need to DO somethings.

I need to lean on the Lord.  Rest in His Word.  Talk with good friends.  Pray, trust, and continue to wait.  I also need to STOP.  Stop thinking of all that's changed.   All that I can no longer do.  I need to START seeing what I can do.  I need to look for ways to spend quality time with my children.

Chrystal now 28 yrs old

Brandon now 27 yrs old

Jamin now 19 yrs old

Brittnie now 18 yrs old

Todd now 11 yrs old

I love my kids.  God has blessed me with 5 beautiful children.  I can STILL spend time and make memories with them.  I pray the Lord will give me opportunity to continue sharing and laughing with my children.  And do so while I continue to WAIT.........

STRESS Reduction Diet

Breakfast
1/2 Grapefruit
1 slice of wheat toast
8 oz of skim milk

Lunch
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 c steamed spinach
1 c herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

Mid Afternoon Snack
Rest of bag of Oreo cookies
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge
nuts, cherries, whip cream

Dinner
2 loaves of garlic bread
Lg sausage, mushroom, & cheese pizza
4 cans of beer
3 milky way candy bars

Late Evening Snack
Entire frozen cheese cake eaten directly from freezer

RULES OF THE DIET:
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes never count, such as hot chocolate, toast, and Sara Lee cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.  Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, and Tootsie rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking them up causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.  Examples: peanut butter on a knife while making a sandwich, ice cream on a spoon while making a sundae.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.  Examples: spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate.  (Note: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other color).

Locked OUT!

Have you ever gotten in your car, felted in your pockets, and realized you left your keys in the house?  I have many stories, my husband could share, about loosing my keys.  Once I lost them in K-Mart.  I found them in a shoe box in the shoe department.  Long story.  LOL  I've locked myself out of a truck.  Short version.....I was in Crossville.  Robert was in Niota.  Robert's comment after an hour drive.  "Sure is a long way to unlock a door." 

Over the past 15 years I've done much better.  Hahaha That is until Friday.  I was in the morning rush of getting out the door to take my son to school.  My car/house keys were sitting on the kitchen counter.  I go in the kitchen to get them.  Todd, our youngest, digs into his backpack to give me, what appeared to be, a bag of rocks.  I said, "Todd this isn't the time to give me..." And then it happened. The bag had a hole.  EVERYWHERE went the contents of this bag.  Then I discovered it wasn't rocks... it was cereal.  Some kind of Chex like cereal.  Todd gets a paper out with instructions.  "Here Mom, we might want to make this later."  LOL LOL LOL

Todd makes a "Todd effort" to sweep up the rocks, aka cereal, as I leave the kitchen and proceed to go downstairs and head for the car.  Todd runs to catch up. Door is slammed shut, we get in the car, I check for my keys, and....... you guest it.  I left the keys on the kitchen counter.  No need for panic.  We have a spare key in a certain place.  Did I mention it was 22 degrees outside? I went to our hiding place and .... the stinkin key was not there.  "Stinkin" is Greek for "Dad burn".

Now this was about the time I wanted to tell Jesus how much I was grateful for this day and how much I loved my family.  Especially whoever it was that used the key last and didn't put it back.  I sent Todd to look at a couple of other places.  Is it just my boys?  But do all boys not open their eyes when they look for things?  NO key.  Did I say it was 22 degrees outside?

I walked around the house hoping that one of the doors was irresponsibly left unlocked.  Why is it that when you want a door to be left unlocked....they are always locked up tight?  As I walked around the house, I began to pray.  "Lord, I need your help.  I am locked out of the house.  I can not start my car.  It's cold.  I need to take Todd to school.  It's very cold.  I need to attend a water aerobic class.  I need my keys that are in the house.  Help me find a way in the house." 

I told Todd to get back in the car.  The car was just as cold as being outside.  22 degrees is pretty cold.  The time is now 7:35 a.m.  I walk across my yard, through the woods, and in between fence posts to a neighbors house.  I had hoped that maybe they would be able to help.

Any other day I could have called my husband, Robert.  He would have just left for work just as we walked out to my car.  But on this day he was on a business trip, in another state.  I have a friend who has a key to my house, but she and her husband was on a couple's retreat.  What was my friend thinking?  :)  My daughter has a key.  She lives 1 1/2 hours away.  Todd and I were left to freeze.  Probably to death.

I called my husband and hoped that he would let me know of another secret key.  My fingers were getting frost bitten.  Robert had no idea about the key.  He insisted that I just need to look again.  And this time look underneath our spot.  Just get down on the ground.  I reminded him, "There's NO way I can get on the ground.  If I did how in the world could I get up."  I would die laying on the ground...frozen.  It was 22 degrees. 

If I sent Todd to look around, under, or on the ground, I knew I had better odds to send a blind man to search for our spare key.  The neighbor was so sweet.  While her husband was in the shower, while her 19 year old son was still in bed, she came over and said she would look for me.  God love her.  As we both walked back  the between the fence , through the woods, across the yard, she said, "It's really cold out here."  LOL

That dear lady got down on the ground.  She looked, felt, and crawled around.  Then she victoriously yelled, "Is this the key?"  Woohoo!!!! YES!  Thank you Lord.  She even opened the door for me.  I thanked her at least a million times.  Finally the 35 minute freeze was over.

I went straight to the kitchen and there the keys laid.  They were the prettiest "stinkin" keys I had ever seen.

New Direction - Will you come with me?

When my children were preschoolers, I use to write down my thoughts, feelings, devotional inspirations.  I didn't realize I was journalling.  I did it because it caused me to think.  It gave me something concrete to see God's hand and remember how He was working in my life.

I remember those early days of staying at home with my kids.  I chose to stay home but what was happening in the "real" world got loss sometimes.  I wondered if I was doing anything important.  If I was doing anything right.  Mostly I think I wondered if anyone noticed or cared. 

I still have some of those early writings.  When I read over them I see how God was there.  How God's hand guided me, encouraged me, comforted me, and forgave me.  I wondered if I should throw them away?  When I die would I want my kids to read them?

The writings were meant to be between God and myself.  I only have 2 regrets.  One I should have been more honest.  And I should have wrote more.  I couldn't write everything.  We didn't have a computer to store my writings until I was ready to print or post.  So when you're busy "mothering"...things like writing didn't come very often.  I also love to paint.  But after my, then 2 year old, son, Brandon got into my oil paint and smeared in on my bedspread and wall... I had to put my paint aside too.

I started writing a blog a couple years ago.  I now do two blogs.  The second one is a video blog that ministers to women through instruction, helps, and encouragement. (Womanhood GFF) In the past whenever I posted on the Godfreyhouse blog, I wrote my posts more as a devotional of my thoughts.  This year I want to be more diary or personal with my post.  But I've been afraid.

There I've said it.  Fear has been a struggle for me for almost 2 years.  And this fear has made me less confident in myself and some ways in the Lord.  This year I would like to begin the journey of setting myself free from this fear.  Well let me re-phrase that.  I want to allow the Lord to set me free from this stronghold "FEAR". 

                     (Video: Give Me Jesus by Fairview Baptist Choir)

I'm not afraid to die.  I'm not afraid of people.  I'm not afraid of the economy.  I am afraid of situations that have and may still physically hurt me.  (Including unknown medical mysteries.)

Bare with me as I step out and open up.  I'm not looking for approval, praise, or compliments.  I'm looking for freedom.  I know where to go to get it.  I am willing to take the readers of this blog with me. 

That is if you want to go.

Todds first sled

This was our youngest child, Todd, first opportunity to go sledding in the snow. One reason is because South East TN doesn't get a lot of snow. When we do it usually less than 2 inches and is melted by the afternoon. This was the largest snowfall since the Blizzard of 1993. By night time our house had close to 10 inches of beautiful snow.

Christmas Snow - Boys LOVED IT!

We've had a little snow in November or early December. We may get a little in January. But this is the first Christmas Day snow since 1968 in South East Tennessee.

My Race

When I was in Elementary school, I entered every running contest I could.  I LOVED Field Day.  This was when schools in my area competed in various outdoor activities.  There were sack races, tug of wars, relays, softball throws, and many more.  I loved to run. As a teenager I would run 3-5 miles a day just because it was fun.

After I was married and had 2 small children, I considered a job as a security guard.  One of the requirements was to be able to run a mile in 6 minutes.  At this point in my life I hadn't run since college.  I put my running shoes on and took off running.  On my first test run, I ran a mile in 8 minutes.  Not bad for a Mom of two.

Later when I was in my 30's we adopted our third child.  When he was two I opened a Home Day Care.  For my mental health, I started back at walking/running 4 days a week.  I got to where I ran 2-3 miles and walked 2 miles.  I enjoyed running again.

My daughter and son in-law can tell you more about running challenges than I can.  They accomplished something that I had never tried.  A marathon. They trained for several months.  Wore out a few pairs of shoes.  Injured and felt pain in areas they've never had pain before.  (To read about their experiece read H20 Runners.

The writer of Hebrews 12 talks about a race.  A race that each believer is in.  Yes, if you are a person of faith and a follower of Christ you are a runner.  This passage goes into detail, in the first couple verses, about how to best run your race.  But for this moment I want to skip over that and focus on the end of verse 1.  Hebrews 12:1b "...the race that is set before us,"

When my pastor preached from this passage Sunday night.  I was encouraged about two things. 

1. God puts us in our race.  "...the race that is set before us," God chose a race for me.  You have your race.  I have mine. 
2. My goal in this race is not to win.  But to finish.  When my daughter and her husband ran a marathon, had they ran 26 miles, and stopped with 325 yards to go...then they wouldn't have finished the race.  All they would have accomplished was running really far.  A marathon is officially 26.2 miles.

I am in my race.  You are in yours.  I want to finish well.  Do you?  How are you doing in your race?  Sometimes I'm not doing so well. In Hebrews 12:12,

 "Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees;"

Sometimes I'm not strong.  Sometimes I don't think I can make it.  Marathon runners struggle with that.  I'm told the last 4-6 miles are the hardest.  Sometimes I have to pick up my hands and get off my feeble knees and start again.  Pick up and keep going.  I need to finish my race.  I Corinthians 15:58 is my life verse.

 "Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord."

My race is different than yours.  Some believers are running on a track that is level and smooth.  Others, the track is hilly and hard. The long stretches can be very difficult.  Our track conditions can change at anytime.  We need to help one another by encouraging each believer to get up, keep going, and finish.

I want my kids to see their Mom finish with strong faith.  I want my grandchildren to hear stories of how their grandmother loved the Lord and served Him in spite of difficulties and challenges.  I want my friends to know that I truly do love the Lord with all my heart, soul, and body.  I want to be like Paul,

II Timothy 4:7, "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:"